Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
