apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
