So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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