Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
