dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
