I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
