She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
