Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
