Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
