You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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