I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
