I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
