My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do herpes really smell.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
