Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
