Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
