you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
