Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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