opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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