Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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