Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
