You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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