I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
