quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
