apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
