Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
