Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
