Nicole vs. Life
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
