There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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