First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
