You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
