He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
