he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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