Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
