Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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