i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
