I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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