I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
