one two three fourrrrnication!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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