but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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