If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
