just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
why is half of my head shaved?
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