My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who did Billy Mays play for?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
