Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
