Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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