HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
