Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
