Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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