the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
