Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
