**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
