Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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