Pappa wants mamma naked
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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