my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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