i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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