She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
